How ‘Fifteen-Fifteen Time’ Rebuilt Our Family’s Connection
It was early 2022, and any given morning was a familiar pattern of barely controlled chaos. Our five-year-old was asking for breakfast while my wife and I prepped a long list of medications and supplements for the girls. In the dining room, our eight-year-old, still undiagnosed with her circulatory condition, had started her virtual school day, but I could already see the tell-tale signs of malaise setting in, a quiet stillness that could erupt into rage if she was pushed too hard.
A mountain of other tasks awaited my attention. My wife and I were constantly pulled in different directions, managing everything from medical appointments to household chores, and it felt like an endless cycle of all work and no play between us and the kids. The sheer volume of responsibilities left me feeling utterly overwhelmed and numb by mid-morning. Navigating that frustration was a challenge that eventually pointed us toward growth.
Later that year, during a two-week family behavioral therapy intensive at the Kennedy Krieger Institute, we were introduced to a simple yet transformative concept: Fifteen-Fifteen Time. This practice has since become a cornerstone of our family’s routine, helping us build deeper connections and navigate life's complexities together. It became a key strategy for us as we learned to embrace the momentum of a new season of our lives.
What is Fifteen-Fifteen Time?
At its core, Fifteen-Fifteen Time is straightforward: Each parent spends at least fifteen minutes, one-on-one, with each child every week. The child chooses the activity, and the parent is fully present—no distractions, no devices, just quality time.
When we first started, integrating this into our already packed schedules felt daunting, given our various work commitments, homeschooling, and medical appointments. At the time, we were also in the middle of finding a formal diagnosis and care plan for our older daughter’s circulatory condition.
Carving out these moments required intentionality. But with consistency and planning—using a whiteboard calendar to schedule each session—we made it work.
The Impact of Fifteen-Fifteen Time
Over time, Fifteen-Fifteen Time has become more than just a routine; it’s a cherished part of our family life. Here’s how it has transformed our relationships:
1. Strengthening Bonds
These dedicated moments have allowed us to connect with our children on a deeper level. Our daughter and I enjoy playfully working on our “smack talk” while playing UNO. And while learning origami from my older daughter, it gave us a chance to discuss some of her questions, such as, “Why do some people care so much about how they look?” These activities have become opportunities to truly focus on each other.
2. Building Trust and Consistency
For our older daughter, who thrives on certainty and follow-through, Fifteen-Fifteen Time has been especially impactful. Knowing she can count on these moments has fostered trust and emotional security.
3. Encouraging Growth and Creativity
The activities our children choose often reflect their interests and passions. From Minecraft worlds to New York Times word games, these sessions have become a platform for them to share their creativity and intellectual growth, as well as learn new skills and further develop their current ones.
4. Creating Emotional Capital
Fifteen-Fifteen Time has undoubtedly built a foundation of emotional and relational capital. When we ask our children to do something, their response is quicker and more thorough because of the trust and connection we’ve cultivated.
This foundation of trust pays dividends in the dynamic nature of family life. When we had to make a last-minute change to our plans—usually a source of frustration—the response was met with understanding instead of an argument, because that relational ‘bank account' was full.
Most of all, the cold, skeptical feelings displayed by our older child before ‘fifteen fifteen time’ have been replaced by warm, grateful ones that both she and we, as parents, crave and cherish.
5. A Framework for Self-Care
Interestingly, this practice also inspired me to carve out Fifteen-Fifteen Time for myself and my wife, as well as for us as a couple. In the dynamic nature of family life, having a framework for nurturing relationships and oneself has been invaluable.
Why It Works
The beauty of Fifteen-Fifteen Time lies in its simplicity. It’s not about grand gestures or elaborate plans; it’s about being present and intentional. Here’s why it works:
Child-Led Activities: Regardless of age, give the child the opportunity to choose their activity, ensuring they feel valued, seen, and heard. It also provides parents with a chance to enter their child’s world.
Consistency: Scheduling these moments creates a sense of excitement and reliability.
Undivided Attention: Being fully present sends a powerful message: “You matter.”
Tips for Implementing Fifteen-Fifteen Time
If you’re considering trying this approach, here are a few tips:
Start Small: Begin with fifteen minutes per child per week. You can always increase the frequency as it becomes a habit.
Be Flexible: Life happens. If you miss a session, reschedule it intentionally with the child rather than skipping it altogether.
Collaborate: If your child is unsure what to do, brainstorm ideas together. The planning process itself can be a bonding activity.
Stay Present: Put away your devices and focus entirely on your child and your joint activity!
The Long-Term Benefits
As our children grow—our older daughter is now on the cusp of her teenage years—my wife and I are confident that the foundation of trust and connection we’ve built through Fifteen-Fifteen Time will serve us well. It’s not just about the immediate moments of joy; it’s about nurturing relationships that will withstand the twists and turns of life.
Final Thoughts
Fifteen-Fifteen Time has been a game-changer for our family. It’s a reminder that amidst the chaos, the most meaningful moments often come from the simplest acts of love and presence. Please consider it if you’re looking for a way to strengthen your family bonds. Set aside those fifteen minutes, let your child take the lead, and experience what unfolds.
After all, the best connections are built one moment at a time. 😊
Questions…please share your ideas in the comments!
What are your go-to activities for one-on-one time with your kids?
What's the biggest challenge you face in being fully present with your family, and what strategies have helped you overcome it?
For those with older teens, how have your connection habits evolved as they've grown more independent?
Have you found that small, consistent actions have a bigger impact than grand gestures in your relationships?
