Conducting Collaboration: Crafting Harmony Together
In the last post, we tuned our inner instruments through self-reflection, finding the “North Star” that guides our personal expectations. It’s a vital practice for understanding who we are and who we want to become. But we rarely exist in a vacuum. Our lives are a constant interplay with others—our partners, children, colleagues, and friends. So, what happens when our inner world meets someone else’s? How do we bridge the gap between each other’s expectations? An answer, I’ve found, lies in the art of collaboration.
This is the type of collaboration I often observe and participate in during Marine Band rehearsals and performances. It is based on the constant, real-time communication that occurs between us musicians. It’s a fluid dance of interpretation. Even on a commonly played piece like Sousa’s “The Stars and Stripes Forever,” I might hear a phrase with a particular inflection and will instantly adjust my playing to complement or match it. This isn't about one person dictating the terms; it’s a collaborative effort to bring a shared vision to life. We are all listening intently to create a cohesive whole. When it works, you can feel the momentum snowball, and as I've written about before, embracing that momentum creates fantastic collaborative energy!
This is an excellent metaphor for navigating expectations in our various relationships. The goal isn’t to impose one’s will but to create something good through collaboration. After being able to bring our best selves to a situation, a key to collaboration is a simple but profound principle: meet people where they are.
This requires a conscious shift from judgment to curious empathy. Just like a rendition of a Sousa march will vary in different environments—a cold January morning at Inauguration, the Kennedy Center stage, or a hot, humid Friday Evening Parade at Marine Barracks Washington—it’s often essential to make a conscious shift when seeing something that may appear to be a mistake and asking, "Why did you do that?" versus asking, "What could be going on?" or “I wonder what their perspective is?”
This practice of giving grace stems from remembering our shared humanity. None of us wakes up in the morning planning to fall short. More often than not, when there's a disconnect, there's a reason—a poor night’s sleep, a hidden worry, a personal struggle. Sometimes it’s momentary, and others can be longer-term. Extending patience, awareness, and empathy isn’t just about being kind; it’s also about being effective, especially when navigating the frustration that can arise from challenges. It opens the door to understanding the true context of a situation.
Of course, this kind of understanding requires intentional communication, especially when collaboration feels challenging. Instead of just starting a conversation, we need a framework, which I recently learned about, to guide it back onto a collaborative track.
This expanded framework integrates honesty, empathy, and clear boundaries. Think of it as moving from a simple invitation to a productive rehearsal:
Set the Stage (Propose, Goal, Consent): Begin by creating a safe and inclusive space. This is where the simple framing technique shines.
Propose the topic: “I’d love to talk about how we're approaching this project.”
Propose the collaborative goal: “I hope that we can get on the same page and feel good about the path forward.”
Ask for consent: “Is now a good time for that?”
Acknowledge the Discrepancy & Share Your View: Once the conversation is open, be the first to be vulnerable. State the difference you’ve noticed and share your perspective with intent.
“As we get into this, I sense we might have different expectations about the timeline. My perspective is that we need to build in extra time because my main goal is to ensure a flawless result. Could you share your thoughts on that?”
Listen with Curious Empathy: After sharing, the most critical step is to listen with genuine curiosity and empathy. Ask about their expectations and, crucially, the intent behind them.
“What’s your perspective on the timeline? What’s the most important outcome for you here?” This shifts the focus from a potential conflict to a shared pool of understanding.
Define the Boundaries & Co-Create the Path: With all perspectives on the table, it’s time to be realistic and clear. This is where you communicate what you can and cannot do.
“Thank you for sharing that. Given my current workload, it's clear that I won’t be able to turn this around in 24 hours. Knowing that, how can we adjust the plan together to meet our shared goal?”
This model transforms a potential confrontation into a structured, creative partnership. It ensures that everyone feels seen and heard, giving everyone a chance to bring their best self to the table, making it possible to find a way forward…together.
When we take the time to listen, to understand where someone is coming from, and to communicate our own needs with clarity and respect, we build trust. That trust is the foundation where rapport grows, just as my family learned when we rebuilt our connection through dedicated time together. It’s what creates that feeling of momentum I feel in great music-making. Challenges are no longer roadblocks but opportunities to collaborate and find solutions together.
Ultimately, conducting collaboration is about moving and listening beyond yourself, viewing every interaction as an opportunity to create something great. When we communicate with intention, navigate conflict with honest boundaries, and foster a culture of grace, we don't just manage expectations—we build connections that allow real magic to happen.
A Question for You:
I’d love to hear your thoughts. When have you felt that “magic” of collaboration, where everything clicks into place? Which step in the communication framework do you find most challenging to put into practice? Let me know in the comments below!
Coming Soon…
Speaking of momentum, what do you do when it disappears completely and you're faced with overwhelm? In the final installment of this series, we'll explore powerful frameworks designed to help you get unstuck and build momentum, even when you feel paralyzed by your to-do list. Stay tuned!
